Dissolve

 

Dissolve, oil on canvas, 40.5cm x 51cm

"Who's to say

What's impossible

Well they forgot

This world keeps spinning

And with each new day

I can feel a change in everything

And as the surface breaks reflections fade

But in some ways they remain the same

And as my mind begins to spread it's wings

There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down

I'll find the things they say just can't be found

I'll share this love I find with everyone

We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs

I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say

I can't do everything

Well I can try

And as I roll along I begin to find

Things aren't always just what they seem" - from song by Jack Jackson, Upside Down.

Accession

"Accession" oil on canvas, 51cm x 51cm

When suddenly I found my voice, my authority, I knew I had melted into 'something' that was always there, eternally unbound and undivided.

"Accession" is an image of this realization.

This is everybody's birthright to rest in this place with awareness. But I wonder if everyone is aware of this. 

Painting requires me to be empty, empty of what? All my stories attached to feelings of all kinds of strength and intensity. I have had plenty of those over the last 10 years and more so these last 5 years .And before that, I was numb of feelings, just confusion.

To distil all this from the unique pattern of my own life leaves me with an ungraspable and powerful essence of myself, which is available to all if you can ignore the personal. It is everywhere and you are it.

Simply put, my priorities have changed, it's the end of my world.

"A bit of advice given to a young Native American at the time of his initiation:

As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. it is not as wide as you think."

- Joseph Campbell

New Paintings

"Play" oil on canvas, 50 cm x 50 cm

"Distortion" oil on canvas, 50 cm x 50 cm

"Middle Line" oil on canvas, 50 cm x 50 cm

"Grow" oil on canvas, 51 cm x 51 cm

Painting these works helped me to sift and to reflect on childhood memories and connections.
The pink patterned Royal Doulton set was my mother's good china, and expressed so much her ideals of English country living. Unfortunately, she was never able to a live country life as she was beset with depression and spent most of her time in bed for the last 30 years and before that I remember her crying a lot and telling me things that were inappropriate for my young ears to hear. Funnily enough, the coffee pots had lids, but they were all the wrong size and didn't fit the pots. I threw out the lids with a sense of remembrance of childhood frustration that I often used to feel around my mother.

The other cups of a modern design, express me in a sense, in comparison with my mother. I was able to function in the world in a way that she was unable to do. I had different values, certainly a much freer life than her youth, which she felt deeply. I didn't fuss about much but just got on with things, I observed more and kept to myself. I was free and innocent, unaware of my mother's continual projections on to me. Understanding much more about the situation now, has led me to feel peace and an inner reconciliation in me.